I thought things would get easier once my baby was born.
I was looking forward to being done with pregnancy, having my body back, and finally meeting my daughter. I knew there would be sleepless nights and a lot to learn. What I didn’t realize was how much I would be navigating at once: feeding my baby, recovering from surgery, adjusting to my body, and figuring out where my work and marriage fit into all of it.
I loved my daughter. I was grateful to be her mom. And there were parts of postpartum that were much harder than I expected.
These are five things that caught me off guard, and what I can say about them now that I’m on the other side.
A Quick Note Before We Start
This is my experience. Yours might look very different. I’m sharing it because when I started talking openly about what I was going through, I realized how many people had felt something similar. These were conversations I wish I’d heard before I was in the middle of it.
1. Breastfeeding Took Over My Day
I wanted to nurse my daughter for as long as I could. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much of my day, and my mental energy, would go into trying to make that happen.
The feeds were painful. My supply was low. And I was stubborn. I knew combo feeding was an option, but for some reason, I couldn’t let go of wanting to make nursing work.
I took supplements, ate oats, and tried just about anything I thought might help my supply. I pumped endlessly, including power pumping. It felt like I was either nursing or attached to a pump at all hours of the day.
Honestly, I felt like a cow.
There was very little time left for myself, and feeding my baby had become something I was constantly working on, thinking about, or worrying about.
What I Know Now
Eventually, I found my groove. I nursed for as long as I could, and I’m at peace knowing I did my best.
I can also see how much pressure I put on myself. A fed baby matters. A healthy mom matters, too. I wish I’d given myself as much consideration as I gave my milk supply.
2. I Wasn’t Prepared to Need So Much Help
My daughter was breech when my water broke, so I had a C-section.
I was surprised by how helpless I felt afterward. Picking up my baby, walking up stairs, doing basic chores. Even going to the bathroom felt daunting.
I’m used to being capable and getting things done. Suddenly, I needed help with things I normally wouldn’t think twice about, while also trying to figure out how to care for a newborn.
I felt useless at times. That’s hard to admit, but it’s how I felt.
What I Know Now
My body was recovering from surgery. Needing help made sense, even if accepting it was hard for me.
It took time and patience, but I healed. I started moving around more, doing more for myself, and finding my rhythm. I still have the scar, and I even went through it a second time.
Looking back, I wish I’d been kinder to myself during the part when I needed other people.
3. I Loved My Body and Still Struggled With How I Looked
My body, my body, my body.
The dark circles under my eyes. The softness of my belly and skin. A face that looked as tired as I felt. I appreciated everything my body had done, but I still had a hard time feeling good about myself.
I’ll be honest: I care about how I look. I did before having a baby, and I still did afterward. Call it vanity, but being grateful for my body didn’t make that part of me disappear.
Both things were true.
I wasn’t able to exercise early in my recovery, and between nursing and pumping, I barely had time to myself. My skin kept changing, and I no longer felt like me.
Then there was the guilt. I felt embarrassed by how I looked, but guilty for wanting time to do something about it. I could cover parts of my body with clothes. My face was harder to hide. So I stayed home more and struggled to get out.
What I Know Now
Over time, I started making room for myself again. I gave myself grace, but I also gave myself permission to put effort into the things that helped me feel good.
My body and skin continued to change. Eventually, I started feeling beautiful and strong again.
Taking that time mattered to me. I didn’t need to pretend I no longer cared about my appearance just because I’d become a mother.
4. Going Back to Work Felt Completely Different Than I Expected
I’ve always taken pride in my work. I’m passionate about what I do, and even while pregnant, I was sure I’d want to get back to it quickly.
Then maternity leave started coming to an end, and I was devastated.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my daughter and returning to the life I’d been so certain I would want back. That surprised me. My career had always been such a clear part of who I was, and suddenly, going back felt incredibly hard.
What I Know Now
Work was there when I left, and it was there when I returned.
I found my way into having what feels like two careers: being a working professional and being a dedicated mother. Both matter deeply to me.
The way I felt at the end of maternity leave was real. So was the passion for my work that I found again once I was back.
5. My Marriage Changed in Ways I Didn’t See Coming
This is probably the part people talk about the least.
During those early months, it felt like my daughter and I were on one side, and my husband and our dogs were on the other. It was hard for him to admit, but he worried that who I was, and who we were together, had changed entirely. That maybe we wouldn’t get it back.
Meanwhile, I felt like I needed to protect my daughter and put her first, ahead of everything else.
We were experiencing the same huge life change very differently. There was a point when I honestly wasn’t sure we would make it as a family.
What I Know Now
Today, after two kids, my husband and I have never been better.
That’s something I wish I could have told myself back then. What we were feeling in those early months didn’t end up being the whole story of our marriage.
I was open with people about what was happening, and I was surprised by how many understood. It gave me comfort to know we weren’t the only ones who had struggled with this.
I’m sharing it now in case someone else needs to hear that, too.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wanted to be done being pregnant. I hadn’t fully understood how much adjusting would come afterward.
For me, things did get better. Feeding became more manageable. My surgery healed. I made time for myself, found my place at work again, and came through a difficult stretch with my husband.
It didn’t all happen at once, or neatly within those first few months. But the way I felt in the hardest moments wasn’t how I felt forever.
I can’t promise your experience will follow the same path. I can share mine honestly, so that if any part of this sounds familiar, you know someone else has felt it, too. And you deserve support while you’re going through it.
You can love your baby, appreciate your body, and still have days when this feels really hard. There’s room for all of that.
~ Crystal Osejo, Founder
